Dreams and Vomit

My mom appeared in a dream early this morning. She was so clearly her. Exact. Every detail made her seem real but I knew I was dreaming. I started sobbing and asked her if I could hug her. She said “Of course” and I could. She felt alive. The embrace so deceiving because I could feel her in my arms but knew I was in dream land. She began evaporating from my grasp and the hug slipped away as she became back lit by the sun. She was glowing. She looked like an angel. The glow even formed into a soft outline of wings. She became more translucent and I tried to bring her back into focus, but my dream came to a halt replaced by the sound of my youngest son crying out “Mommy, Daddy” from his bedroom downstairs.

“Why doesn’t he just come up?” Asked my sleepy, annoyed to be awake before the alarm husband.

“I don’t know.” I replied equally annoyed, but more so because my dream was over.

Vomit. That’s why. A sore tummy that I hoped was related to holding pee too long was was actually a sick kid.

Making the best of a bad situation I am honestly a little grateful that I can clean the house between vomits without feeling guilty that my kid has watched TV all morning. It’s the small stuff. In some ways daytime sick kids are almost easier then healthy kids. I might be categorized me as a bad mom for admitting this. I remember my mom telling me, “You were such a sweet sick-kid, even as a teen. You just wanted your Mom.” Funny how “wanting my mom” hasn’t really gone away for me even as an adult.

I thought of motherhood when I took the above photo of a peony. I imagine the mom peony whispering to the baby bud, “This is how you open up and share your beauty, sweet one.”

May you be healthy!

XO

Kyla